I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
