so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This is the high leading the old right now
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
