As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
