Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
