I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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