I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
