Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Thank you for not boning my boss.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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