i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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