so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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