ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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