You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
