i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize