Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
