Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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