You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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