You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
