I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
