I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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