ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
