I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
