You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize