Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
