I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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