I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
