so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
