my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
