You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I believe in your delicious
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize