the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
