Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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