they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
