Already got asked if we're dating
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
