There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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