How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
