yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
