Pappa wants mamma naked
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
