just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
