I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
