I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
