Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
