My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There r osticjed everywhere
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
