problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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