Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
