hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
