I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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