fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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