I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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