Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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