I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
