im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize