Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
