I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
