yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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