never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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