Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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