He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize