did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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