i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
