I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
