i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
