We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
