this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
