drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
