my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
