every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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